From: Jitender
To: Laurie Appleton
Date: Sep 1 1998 6:57:00 pm
Subject: Creation: Day 6
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Bwahahahahahahahaha I am Murray, the all powerful demonic skull

The Sixth Day                                 Richard Jordon

God woke up and immediately screamed.  Somehow Angel Theodore had
managed to worm his way back into the divine apartment.  The faggot
was just about to apply his mouth to God's 'little buddy' when God
woke up. God was fully awake and alert in an instant.  He picked up
Angel Theodore by his hair, carried him out onto the balcony, tore his
wings off his back, and then threw him out into the vacuum as hard as
he could.

As God watched Theodore's internal body pressure blow him into
subatomic particles and small blood clots he wondered if he had
overreacted. After a contemplative couple of puffs on a cigarette he
decided that he hadn't.

God cleaned himself and dressed in a pair of mountain climbing
boots, khaki pants, and a "Come See The Grand Canyon" sweatshirt.  By
the time he was pulling on his baseball cap he had put the defunct
Angel out of his mind.  He decided against breakfast and instead went
down to the Earth to see how things were going.

'Things' as it turned out, were busy.  Angel Veronica and her staff
were very busy putting sperm whales into the Indian Ocean.  Angels
Alan, Patrick and Preston were planting Bonsai tress in Japan.  God
looked at them for a while and smiled.  At least they weren't fucking
their project up.  He couldn't picture what would've happened if they
had planted them in England, or even Russia.  It was very difficult to
picture what the communists would've made out of Bonsai trees but God
supposed it wouldn't have been art.

God stopped off in North America and Angel Jim crawled halfway out
of a hole in the ground near God's feet.  He got his head and
shoulders above ground before he noticed God.  "Hi Big Guy."  He said
amiably. Then he noticed Angel Erin trying to teach a bison how to
walk on a nearby patch of grass.  "Get off the lawn."  He yelled at
her.  "Do you have any idea how long it took Alan to plant that lawn?"

Angel Erin looked over, nodded and waved and then led the bison off
the grass.

God looked down at the Angel Jim.  "You seem to have a handle on
things Jim.  How's everything going?"

Angel Jim settled himself into a more comfortable position, half in
and half out of the hole.  "Alright."  He shrugged.

"How's your project going?"  God prodded.  "You know its one of the
most important we've got going."

"Well, yeah Big Guy."  Angel Jim scratched his ear.  "We been
plantin' all those fossil things you gave us, and most of the rock
stratification was already in place when you created the place."

"But you think something's wrong?"  God had already learned to
trust Angel Jim's judgment.  Jim had been on staff in this cosmos
through three different Gods.  He knew an awful lot about how things
worked around here.

Angel Jim nodded.  "I don't know exactly what it is though.  I
guess I just don't buy the whole idea.  How's a bunch of dents in
rocks going to do anything to these folks?  I mean, how do we know
they're even going to pay attention to the rocks in the first place?"

God nodded.  "Well, I agree it would be a pretty stupid thing to
do, study rocks and all.  But we've gotta count on these sentients
being pretty damned curious.  Maybe, just maybe, these fossils of
things that never did really exist will help them prove that we don't

"I surely hope so."  Angel Jim said seriously.  "Me and the wife
been looking forward to retirement.  We're going to find ourselves a
nice little piece of limbo somewhere and set ourselves up alone.
These Cosmos projects are just about driving us crazy."

God patted Angel Jim on the head.  "I understand Jim.  Just do this
last project right and we'll all be on easy street."

Angel Jim nodded, waved good-bye and disappeared back into his hole
to supervise the laying of the new one-celled algae fossils.

God popped himself over to continental Africa to see what was going
on there.  He wasn't at all expecting the kind of scene that greeted
him. Angel Linda was about a hundred yards away from him.  She was
sitting on a tree stump crying her eyes out.  Standing in front of her
was a crowd of nearly three thousand very ugly looking animals.  At
first God couldn't figure out what was going on so he just stood back
and watched for a few moments.

The animals all stood on a pair of very skinny three foot long
legs. They had roundish, watermelon-like, bodies topped with a long
neck ending in a smallish-looking beaked head.  They had very small
wings apparently pasted along the sides of their bodies.  All three
thousand of these birds (God had decided that they had to be birds
because they all had wings and they were here with Angel Linda) were
very quietly and very patiently staring at Angel Linda.

Every once in a while Angel Linda would stop crying, stand up, and
proceed to pantomime flight in front of the birds.  As she did this
all the birds would quickly exchange startled glances that seemed to
say 'Is this woman crazy or what?'  After a few moments of startled
glances all the birds would dig small holes in the ground with their
feet and then stick their heads in them.  At this point Angel Linda
would stop her pantomime and resume her crying on the stump.

God watched the process repeat twice before he decided that he
couldn't figure out what was going on.  He walked through the flock of
birds to where Angel Linda sat.  He sat down next to her and put one
arm around her shoulders.  "Something I can do for you?"  He asked

Angel Linda looked at him, tears almost completely obscuring her
eyes. "Oh God!"  She sobbed.  "I really fucked up."

"Now, now."  God patted her shoulder. "Nothing is ever all that
bad. Why don't you tell me what's wrong?"

Linda rubbed some of the tears away from her eyes.  "I spent three
hours designing these birds and then another half day making them and
now they don't even know how to fly!"

God suppressed a laugh.  Any Angel that spends that much time
creating a bird that doesn't even fly is pretty thoroughly
incompetent. God had to work to suppress his laughter and his
immediate urge to fire such a useless Angel.  He finally managed to
smooth himself out by remembering Angel Linda's other qualities.

Angel Linda mistakenly interpreted God's silence as a willingness
to listen.  "Oh, I'm sorry God.  I'm trying to do right with these
birds, its just that they won't listen."

"Its okay."  God said soothingly.  "I guess we can have a species
of birds that don't fly.  I mean as long as its just one species."

Linda started crying again, louder than before.

God hugged her and tried to figure out what she was crying about
now. He never could figure women out.  "What's wrong now?" he asked.

"Its..."  Angel Linda broke out into more sobs before she could
continue.  "Its just that this isn't the only species that can't fly."

God rolled his eyes in exasperation.  He had a very clear mental
image of an entire world full of flightless birds.  "How many others
can't fly?"  He asked, trying to curb his temper as best he could - he
could feel his control beginning to inch away from him.

"Well..."  Angel Linda hesitated to answer.  "There are a couple of
minor species, and..."

"And...what?"  God prompted her to go on but he didn't trust
himself with too many words right now.

"Well, I've got a really cute black and white species down on the
Antarctic perimeter."

"And they can't fly either?"  God asked, the strain evident in his

Linda nodded.  "But they can swim."  She added brightly.

God was simply aghast.  "You made birds that can't fly but can
swim?" His voice was almost loud enough to hear across the

Angel Linda cringed and nodded.

"Let me get this straight."  God began, speaking slowly.  "You were
assigned to make the world's avians and now you're coming out with
birds that swim and birds stick their heads in the ground BUT YOU'RE

"Some can fly God."  Linda was almost pleading.  "And those ones in
Antarctica really do swim very well."

God finally began to lose his grip on the last thread of calm he

Angel Linda was understandably very afraid of what was coming next
so she touched him.  She touched him in a place that she hoped he
couldn't ignore.

He couldn't.  God's tirade ended abruptly.

The next thing Angel Linda knew she was in God's bed.  This divine
popping around always made her a little disoriented. She hadn't
guessed how horny God was around lunchtime.  She didn't mind though,
at least this got her off the hook for a little while.  As soon as she
could she'd move the ostriches off the big African continent and put
them somewhere less obtrusive.  Maybe she could keep them out of God's
sight for a while.  Who know's maybe they'd evolve a little and learn
how to fly some day.

She was so caught up in her planning that she almost forgot to moan
with pleasure.

After a lunch that wasn't very filling but was extremely
satisfying, God sat down in his study.  His last problem before
putting the man down on Earth was the location.  He didn't want just
anyplace for his first man.  He wanted something special.  He took his
time going over his files and reports and he picked things out of each
of the individual design projects.  He picked out things that were
good, harmless, tasty, beautiful, etc. and he assembled them all into
one place on the Earth. He worked all afternoon on that place and he
made a really nice place to live.

When he was finished he looked down on the place he had made and he
named it Eden.  There was no particular reason to name it Eden, except
maybe that he had always wanted to fuck a girl named Eden.  But if
that was actually the reason, it was a subconscious one.  For all God
realized he had just decided to do something random for a change.  He
liked it, he said it was good and he went to bed.

So ended the sixth day of Creation, Amen.

Jitender Saan                      - Jitender.Saan@Lwbbs.Net -----------
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