From: Jitender
To: Laurie Appleton
Date: Sep 1 1998 6:57:00 pm
Subject: Creation: Day 3
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Bwahahahahahahahaha I am Murray, the all powerful demonic skull
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The Third Day                                    Richard Jordon

The alarm clock buzzed obnoxiously (and anxiously) at the appointed
time.  Angel Linda gently rolled over and turned it off before it
could disturb God.  She propped herself up on one elbow and looked at
his sleeping form.  She smiled and idly wondered whether Gods learned
sexual prowess in the Divinity College or if they all just came by it
naturally.  She had never met a God who wasn't absolutely superb in
bed. She sighed and considered fingering herself as she recalled the
pleasure of the night before.  Sadly, she remembered the clock and the
project and she knew she had to wake him up.

She slowly drew the covers down and moved to kneel beside his upper
thighs.  She bent and put her mouth to work in the most elegant form
of wake up she could think of...

God was still smiling an hour later when he ushered Angel Linda out
of the apartment.  He realized that he had already wasted a good part
of the morning but he was still happy.  Who wouldn't he be happy after
a roll in the hay with an Angel?  He hadn't been laid like that since
his graduation party.  He just wished he wasn't so clumsy around the
wings. He just couldn't figure out how to get really erotic with an
Angel without fucking up the wings.

God shook those thoughts aside, put them away for another day (or
night), and willed himself to be clean.  He pulled on an old, worn
pair of cords, a Pink Floyd concert tee shirt and his familiar New
York Yankees baseball cap.  Finally, he slipped on a pair of old
docksiders to complete the ensemble, grabbed his cigarettes and went
out to see how his design staffs were working.

Angel Theodore ran into him in one of the hallways of the
Administrative level of Heaven.

"I just can't handle it God!"  Angel Theodore was redder than a
fire truck on a Fourth of July parade and his breath was coming in
short, gaspy, rapid struggles.  With one hand almost glued to his hip
and the other carrying an imported cigarette in a long black ivory
holder he looked every bit the fashionable faggot Angel.  He went on
without bothering to see if God was paying him any attention.
"Preston, Patrick, and Alan just aren't taking this whole thing
seriously.  They are being totally uncooperative!"

It took God a few milliseconds to remember which project he had put
those three on.  "Oh, and what are they doing that bothers you, Ted?"
God knew that those three had absolutely no love in them for faggots.
Without a doubt, at the very least they were being cooperative.

"Well God,"  Angel Theodore paused to let his breath catch up, and
then to take an exaggerated draw on his cigarette.  "They've been
totally unwilling to let me overview what they've accomplished so
far."

"Hmmmm."  God stroked his chin.  He doubted very much that those
three would ever work with Angel Theodore.  Then again, he doubted
that their project had very much that would interest the faggot Angel.
After all, what does flora and fauna have to do with Arts and Theater?
"Why don't you let me handle them?"  God was being terribly
conciliatory this morning.  "I'll personally oversee their project for
you."

Angel Theodore sighed, like everything else he did it was drawn out
and overly dramatic.  "Okay, but if they mess up floral development we
just won't have the proper kinds of long grasses for pretty grass
skirts and what not."  Angel Theodore didn't even wait for another
comment from God, with that said he proceeded to huff off down the
corridor.

God laughed out loud as soon as he was out of earshot.  Normally he
would have laughed directly at his face but that wouldn't have been
nice and God was in an extremely nice mood this morning.  God finally
stopped laughing with a bit of conscious effort and proceeded to zap
himself down into the research labs taken over by the Angels Alan,
Preston and Patrick.

He coughed the moment he arrived.  The lab, which used to be full
of chemical analysis equipment and sample cases, was now bare of
everything that had once made it look like a research lab.  Where once
there had been periodic tables of the elements hanging on the walls
there was now a multitude of silk and nylon banners.  God took a
moment to scan all the posters.  They read;  "Morrison Lives!", "Fly
in the L.E.D. Zepplin",  "Build Your Own Wall, I'm Using Mine", and
"Fuck It Man... Inhale."  Where the lab tables and sample cases once
took up floor space, now there was nothing but a thin layer of dust.
The floor was almost totally bare but for three woven reed mats.
Angels Alan, Patrick and Preston sat on the mats in a rough triangle.
Each was in their own particular variation on the lotus position.
Lying next to Angel Alan was a cardboard shoebox with nearly six
pounds of cince in it.  Thrown up against a far wall there were five
more boxes just like it, but empty. On the floor in the middle of the
three Angels sat a bong made from one of the Divine Baptismal
repositories.

God coughed again.  The smell of pot and incense was almost, but
not quite overpowering.

Angel Pat finally noticed God.  "Man, just cool out and hold it in
next time."

Angel Alan, a little less in control of himself, looked up from the
floor an pointed at the bol.  "We gotta reload it."

Neither of the other Angels moved.

Angel Preston, the only one of the three with any working gray
matter remaining, looked up at God with surprise written all over his
face. "Wow, dude!  I thought you usually used a door."

God shook his head in disgust.  "What in Heaven's garbage dumps
have you stoneheads been doing?"

Angel Patrick passed out.

Angel Alan reached out to grab the bong.  On the third try his hand
connected and he started to reload it.  All the while he totally
ignored God.

Angel Preston leaned back a little bit and looked up at God through
squinting eyes.  "Man, we been brainstorming for ideas man.  You gotta
start with ideas!"

Angel Alan looked up from his reloading.  "Yeah, we been
brainstormin'... and trying out the first piece of flora."

Angel Preston cut in.  "Yeah, flora..."  Then he passed out.

Angel Alan finished reloading the bong and lit it up.  He took a
long, deep, hit and then looked up at God.  He tried to talk while
holding the hit in.  "Man, can we do something for you?"

God almost laughed.  "You,"  he pointed at the passed out angels.
"do something for me?"  He asked incredulously.

"Yeah."

God exclaimed.  "You couldn't even do anything for yourselves in
this state!"

"Yeah..."  Angel Alan paused to hit the bong again.  "...well,
we'll get the job done eventually."

"You bet your union contracts you will!" God was now laughing
openly.

"You want to join us?"  Angel Alan offered the bong.

God shook his head.  "Nope, talk to me again in four days.  By then
I'll be needing all you got."

God popped himself back up to the administrative section of Heaven.

Angel Alan passed out.

God spent most of the day checking in on the project teams.  He
really didn't care too much about what his Angels were doing as long
as they were doing something.  So far all the checks had gone alright.
Angels Orin and Fred were doing okay with weather patterns and Angel
Carol had come up with some really nifty modifications for his itsy
bitsy little black stars.  God had thought the day was going real well
until he stepped into the sea-life labs being run by Angel Veronica.
He had saved the sea-life labs for last because he wanted to ask Angel
Veronica out and he didn't give a damn about fish anyway.  She was
rumored to be one of the better lays around Heaven.  God couldn't same
the same about any fish he had ever run across.

Angel Veronica was bent over the edge of an aquarium when God
popped in.  A couple of lab techs, two year people out of the Angelic
College, were hanging around doing various menial tasks.  Angel
Veronica straitened up to greet God.  There was a broad smile on her
lips and a pair of very ugly fish in her hands.  "How are you doing
today God?"

"Very well, thank you."  God answered in his best managerial voice.
"How's the sea-life coming along?"

"Terrific, absolutely, perfectly great!"  Angel Veronica's
enthusiasm wouldn't be concealed.  "We've already got about three
hundred thousand different salt-water species developed and..."

God interrupted her abruptly.  "Wait a minute!  Why so many
Me-damned many?"

She lost her smile quickly, looking hurt she answered. "It's all
part of the plan God."  She had thought God would pleased with her
progress.

"What plan?"  God asked, his voice softened up quite a bit as he
realized that putting her on the defensive and deriding her work was
not a good way to get into her pants.

"The grand plan!"  She answered.  "You see, eventually these
sentients down there are going to develop schools.  They'll have to if
they're going to develop along your paradigmatic plan.  Once people
start teaching and learning they're already going to have a pretty
sophisticated concept of punishment, so they're gonna end up killing
two birds with one stone."

God looked thoroughly confused.  It was a very easy thing for him
to do since he was, in fact, confused.  "What's this about 'birds', I
thought you were working on sea-life?"

Angel Veronica slowed down her pace a little bit.  She suddenly
realized that she was about two leaps ahead of his mental capacity.
This was not a good place to be for an Angel with a career track in
mind. "That was just a figure of speech God.  You see, the people down
there are going to figure out that all children get into trouble. You
know, do bad things every now and then.  So, it's obviously
inefficient to punish a child after the fact every time they do
something wrong..."

"Why?"  God asked.

"Huh...?"  The sudden question disrupted her line of thought.

God explained.  "Why is it inefficient to punish children every
time they get in trouble and what does any of this have to do with
three hundred thousand different marine life forms?"

"One question at a time."  Angel Veronica admonished God.  "First,
it is inefficient to punish children every time they get into trouble
because many times they will get into trouble or do something bad and
their elders won't be around to catch it.  This will occur maybe
thirty percent of the time.  So, if you leave all the punishment to
after the fact you are going to end up leaving about thirty percent of
the punishable acts unpunished.  It is obviously much more efficient
to punish in advance, in anticipation of future evils."  She paused to
catch her breath.  She spoke so quickly because her mouth had a hard
time keeping up with her thoughts.  "Now, as to the second question,
I'm getting to that, okay?"

God nodded for her to go on.

"Okay."  She tried to slow herself down.  "Now these sentients are
going to figure that they should punish children in advance.  So
they're going to end up trying to figure out a way that they can
punish the kids while the kids get something good out of it at the
same time.  They will end up setting up schools, High Schools in
particular.  These schools will be good because they serve to
perpetuate the racial accumulation of knowledge and learning and
culture.  But they will also be punishment because they're going to be
perceived as really horrible places that try to teach a general level
of education in every subject.

"Now, high school biology is going to be one of those subjects.
Its going to be a particularly tough subject because it will contain a
lot of arcane and insignificant information on all these species I'm
putting together right now.  Now, the kids of course won't give a damn
about the micro-cellular structure of the squid so they will perceive
the whole thing to be punishment..."

"I get it!"  God broke in.  "You create a whole bunch of really
useless species and they will all have to be taught in high school
biology classes.  And these classes will double as punishment in
anticipation of future wrong doings?"

"Right!"  Angel Veronica exclaimed.  On the outside she looked like
she was going to bubble over with the satisfaction that God's mind
followed her own thinking.  In reality she was really thankful that
God wasn't reading her mind right now; she was acutely aware that it
had taken only about ten seconds to explain the whole thing to her lab
assistants.  God thought about as slow as a slug in comparison.

"Great!"  God said, totally accepting the facade.  He put his arm
around her shoulders and hugged her briefly.  "The whole project is
coming along fine.  Want to come over to my place tonight for some
cheap, meaningless, but pleasurable sex?"

Angel Veronica made a quick decision based entirely on career
goals. "Sure."

"Good, I'll see you this evening."  He called as he popped himself
out of the lab.

God had forgotten that he had also invited Angel Linda over for the
evening, but, as it turned out, neither of them cared.  The three of
them sat out on the balcony and watched God play around with the stars
for a while before they retired to bed.

God said it was very, very good.

So ended the third day of Creation, Amen.

----
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