From: Jitender
To: Laurie Appleton
Date: Sep 1 1998 6:57:00 pm
Subject: Creation: Day 4
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Bwahahahahahahahaha I am Murray, the all powerful demonic skull

The Fourth Day                                 Richard Jordon

The fourth day started a lot like the the third day had started,
except for the argument between Veronica and Linda over who would get
to wake up God.

Eventually a very contented God got them both on their merry little
ways, cleaned himself and began to dress.  He slipped into a
comfortable pair of Levi's and a Mozart concert tee shirt.  His trusty
baseball cap and docksiders were added before he sat down to
breakfast.  Bagels, cream cheese and cold coffee got him fortified for
the day ahead.

A few of the projects were going to start placing things down on
the Earth today.  God was reasonably confident that those tasks were
going along all right.  What he really wanted to do today was look in
on the sentient being project.  He hadn't stopped by yesterday,
thinking he would give them a little extra time to get their act in
gear.  He was sure they'd have something really creative for him by
this morning...

God popped into the design lab in the middle of an argument.

Angel Joseph was yelling at Angel Mary.  "...but we've got to work
on the male model first!"

Angel Mary was indignant. "Why do we have to limit ourselves..."

Angel Lucifer cut her off.  "Oh, do come on now.  We went all
through this yesterday.  We agreed..."

"We agreed on nothin' mon!"  Angel Leroy decided to keep the stream
of interruptions going.  He jabbed his index finger against Angel
Lucifer's chest angrily.  "You been messin' wit dis project since we
began.  Dats why your prototype over there" He stopped jabbing Lucifer
just long enough to point at a surgical table with a sheet-covered
form lying on it.  "is so goddamned sick mon!!!"

They obviously hadn't noticed God pop into the lab.  He decided to
interrupt the argument itself - especially since interruptions seemed
to be the thing to do around this lab.

"Hey, hey people.  What's all the trouble down here?"

They all turned on their heels to face him.  The Angel's faces all
registered shock and surprise, except for Lucifer.  Angel Lucifer's
face betrayed an odd mixture of fear and loathing.

God waited for a response.  He didn't get one.  "Hey, youse guys.
I said 'What's up'.  What's this argument all about?"

Angel Lucifer threw his pencil down in disgust.  The last thing he
wanted at this point was God's intervention into the project.

Angel Mary pointed at the surgical table with the form on it. "The
project is over there God."  Her voice dripped sarcasm while she
stared quite pointedly at Angel Lucifer.  "Or at least that's Angel
Luke's interpretation of the project."

God walked over to the table and pulled the sheet back.  "It's
pretty damn ugly."

Angel Leroy stood up quickly and angrily.  The chair he had been
sitting on fell over backward.  "Yeah mon.  It is ugly.  But it was
even uglier before I put some changes into it mon."

"Now, now."  Angel Lucifer put in quietly.  He was still hoping to
pull a little bit of dignity out of the situation.

"Don't 'Now,now.' me!"  Angel Leroy vented at him. "Even you gott
admit that puttin' de mon's dick in his mouth is a pretty sick setup!"

"That was Luke's original idea?"  God asked incredulously.

Angels Mary, Joseph, and Leroy nodded.

"With its dick in its mouth?"  God was finding this hard to believe
and even harder to visualize.

"Yep."  Angel Joseph said.

"I think its sick mon."  Angel Leroy added.

"I'm not really crazy about the idea myself."  Angel Mary chimed
in. Her eyes had a slightly faraway look.  She was busy thinking over
the mechanics of the act with a man whose dick was in his mouth.  She
shook her head in wonder.

"He could give himself head."  Angel Lucifer finally spoke up in
defense.  Even as he said it he realized how lame  it must have

"Shut UP!"  God yelled at him.  He had rather suddenly moved from
incredulousness to anger, very intense anger.  "I want you off of this
design staff NOW!"

Angel Lucifer shook his head in defeat.  He realized that even the
union couldn't protect him now.  "What do you want me to do?"  He
asked meekly.

God thought up the worst project he could.  "I want you to work on
developing all the little microorganisms that consume, break-down, and
otherwise dispose of animal feces." God thought that was okay, but he
made a mental note to see if he could make the project any more
revolting later on.

Angel Lucifer almost threw up.  Experimentation in that area would
be positively disgusting.  He steeled himself, consoled himself with a
mental image of himself in God's chair, and quietly left the lab.

"Now."  God sighed, trying to will himself to calm again (Gods
can't always do that you know).  "Other than that," He pointed at
Lucifer's prototype without looking at it.  "What have you got
accomplished so far?"

Angel Mary got up and led him to a small glass case in one corner
of the lab.  The case held a greyish lump of something suspended in a
clear liquid.  Angel Mary pointed at the gray lump.  "That."

God looked at it for almost a full minute.  He finally decided that
he definitely did not know what it was, and spoke.  "You've all been
working for almost two full days and all you've come up with is a lump
of gray shit in a glass jar?"

Angel Joseph got defensive.  "Now wait just a minute God..."

Angel Mary cut him off with an impatient wave of her hand.  "It is
an advanced, organic, data processing, interpolating and storage unit
capable of inferential extension under emotive and learned logical

God looked stupid.  "What?"

Angel Leroy translated for him.  "Its a brain."

"Oh."  God said.

"And a damned good one!"  Angel Joseph added.

"So what's the problem?"  God asked.  "Slap that thing in a body
and we gotta a Human race."

"Hell..."  Angel Joseph snorted.  "That ain't the least of our
problems.  First we got to agree on some kinda shape to put it in."

"Yeah."  Angel Leroy said.  "We gotta design something to put the
brain in."

"The glass jar looks pretty nice."  God observed.

"Fuck the glass jar."  Angel Mary answered.  "We're talking about a
body God.  The brain needs motive appendages and a frame to put them
on. The frame is pretty easy but we've been running into arguments on
everything else from number of appendages to digestive and
reproductive systems."

"I still think we outta just make as many of them as we want,
forget the reproductive systems, and make them all live forever."
Angel Joseph broke into an older argument.

"Won't work mon."  Angel Leroy said.  "They'd be killin' themselves
off an shit.  We gotta let them reproduce mon!"

"Besides,"  Angel Mary looked at Angel Joseph with a suggestive
leer. "Just think of all the fun a good reproductive system can be."

"Yeah, I guess you're right."  Angel Joseph smiled and agreed with

God shook his head in wonder at this total lack of cooperation and
compromise.  "Listen up, I'm gonna lay down a few parameters here..."

All three angels just stared at him.  God could sense that they
were getting ready to receive a long list of parameters that they
weren't going to like.  He could sense that they were tensing up to
have their project all but taken away from them.  He decided to keep
it short. "It's simple.  Make them in two sexes and make them look
like me, at least the men.  Make the females look something like the
female angels around here, just don't give them any wings."

The angels continued to stare at him, now with something like a
mixture of doubt and acceptance on their faces.  This prescription was
too simple they all thought.  Angel Mary went on to think that it was
too modeled on God to boot.  She didn't consider him all that good
looking.  Certainly not good looking enough to base an entire species

Finally Angel Joseph spoke up.  "Make them all look like you?"  He
tried to keep the doubt out of his voice.  He failed miserably.  He
watched God get angry again.

"Yeah."  God answered shortly.  Debating whether or not to send
Joseph out to follow Lucifer in the shit labs.  "What's the matter?
You got something against that?"

Angel Joseph put his hands up before him in a defensive gesture and
quickly got himself properly contrite.  "No God.  I don't really have
anything against that, so to speak.  It's just that, well, if we make
all of them look like you, won't that get a little repetitious?"

Angels Mary and Leroy quickly nodded agreement.

God nodded slowly, a frown on his face.  He could see the logic but
that didn't mean he had to like it.  "Yeah, I guess you're right. Give
them variety, just model the basics off me.  Same thing for the
women..."  God trailed off and stroked his chin for a moment.  "As a
matter of fact, hold off on the female model for right now.  All we
really need to make the deadline is the male model.  If we spend all
our energy on the male model we can probably make it a whole lot

The Angels nodded and Mary spoke up.  "Yes, we can get out a really
good male model if we don't have to dilute our efforts."

"Good enough.  How soon can you be ready?"

The angels looked at each other.  Angel Mary spoke for the team.
"We can have him ready in say..." she shrugged "... a week to ten

God shook his head.  "Your deadline is sunday morning, early."
With that said he popped himself out of the lab.

God went back to his apartment and threw a party.  Everyone but the
shit team and the sentient being team was invited.  He proceeded to
get himself really greased and gassed and he weaved around saying that
a lot of things were good.

So ended the fourth day of Creation, Amen.

Jitender Saan                      - Jitender.Saan@Lwbbs.Net -----------
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